But it has the potential to be better — so long as you choose it.
When I was addicted to opioids, all I wanted was to get back to life the way it was before.
Before I started the drugs; before I changed. Before life became what it currently was: a crazy roller coaster of emotions and trials I couldn’t escape.
I felt so alone, like no one could possibly understand what I was going through.
Now, I’m blown away when I see story after story coming out about people who’ve suffered from opioid addiction. People whose lives have been completely destroyed; families who have lost everything because of these drugs.
People who were just like me, but couldn’t escape opioids suffocating grasp. Who couldn’t break free and start again. Who didn’t even have the option to go back to “before.”
But the truth is, there is no going back.
After successfully getting off the drugs, I’ve come to realize there’s no going back. Before doesn’t exist anymore, because life’s not the same as it once was. I’m not the same as I once was.
I never will be, and I’m okay with that. I wanted to go back to before, but there’s no going back from something that changes you. There’s no returning to life as you once knew it, because you’re not the same.
When I was addicted to the drugs, all I wanted was my life the way it used to be. I thought that was what I needed, what would make me happy. I’m starting to realize this is my new normal, and it’s up to me if I’m happy with it or not.
We don’t always choose what happens to us in life. However, we can choose what we do with the life we’ve been given.
Are we just going to let life happen to us, or are we going to fight back?
At first, my life after addiction was full of fear. It was full of me being afraid to do anything besides simply exist, going through the motions every day.
It was full of self-doubt and despair, feeling like I failed because of what happened. I let my emotions overcome me, and for the longest time, I didn’t fight it.
I didn’t see the point.
But I eventually came to realize — that’s not what I was spared for. That’s not why I was able to get away from the drug that’s taken so many lives.
I’m not meant to cling to what my life could’ve been like had I never been introduced to opioids: I can’t change that. I can’t change what happened.
I needed to let go of my belief that I needed my old life back, and instead embrace the life I have now.
I could keep telling myself what happened to me wasn’t fair and give up, or I could tell myself I’ve been given a greater chance to do something with my life than I had before.
My life isn’t the same anymore. But it can be better than it used to be — so long as I choose it.
So long as I choose to fight and make my “after” better than my “before.”
