Know This – Recovery From Opioid Addiction Is Not A Quick Thing

You’re not magically better once you successfully taper off the drugs.

When I was tapering off opioids, it was insanely hard.

But I pushed through, thinking, when I finally get off these pills for good, everything will be alright again. Everything will be better. Life will go back to normal.

And things did slowly start to improve, which was a relief, given that tapering off opioids was one of the hardest things anyone can do in life. Many try and fail, unable to deal with the intense emotional and physical issues that come from withdrawals.

I varied from being an emotionless shell of a person to screaming, crying and suffering panic attack after panic attack for the four months it took me to taper off Vicodin.

It was horrible. A time period that I would never wish on anyone.

After the four months, I eagerly attempted to get back to life, thinking I could just pick up where I left off.

But life was different now.

I wasn’t the same person I was before becoming addicted to opioids. I thought I could just go back to the carefree, happy person I was before, but that wasn’t what happened.

What I thought would happen just wasn’t reality, and as I slowly continued to heal from the havoc opioid addiction wreaked on my brain, life, and self-confidence, I realized that things were different now.

It took me time to smile easily again. Time to laugh. Time to gather up the courage to do things that had seemed so simple before.

It took a great deal of time to feel somewhat like myself again – not the person I was before, but the person I’d always been. The person opioid addiction suppressed.

It was 18 months after taking my last pill before I felt “recovered.”

I felt like myself again. I could laugh easily, enjoy life’s simple pleasures, and start to progress again.

But in my head, I still struggled.

I still felt worthless, hopeless, and like I’d lost my chance to make something of my life.

This may sound ridiculous to anyone reading, especially since I was only 25 years old, but the thing is, opioid addiction impacts you for much longer than the time you actually spend addicted to the drugs.

Your brain is changed, and fixing that takes a good deal of time and patience.

My self-confidence was completely shot, and I basically just resigned myself to being a failure for the rest of my life. All because of a stupid unmonitored prescription that led to addiction.

It didn’t matter what other people said to me. It didn’t matter if they told me I could do things, that I had talent in certain areas, or that I could make a difference, I didn’t believe it.

I didn’t for a very long time.

The only thing that helped was staying clean and continuing on with life, despite the way I felt.

I still lived life – I got married, had two wonderful children, and went through my days the best I could.

I prayed regularly for help, but when it didn’t seem like anything would ever change, I just continued going through the motions.

There were good times for sure, times when I could laugh and felt reasonably happy with my circumstances, but I never put myself out there.

My self-confidence was at an all-time low, and while I felt I could live life normally, I never tried anything new. Never put myself in a situation where I could be rejected, whether it was with a job, friendship, or anything else.

8 years post-addiction, things finally changed for me.

I couldn’t tell you what it was – maybe a combination of praying and raising two little girls who needed me. But regardless, I began to feel things again.

I begin to believe in myself again – to believe that I was more than just a worthless former addict with nothing to offer society. I began to believe that my opioid addiction doesn’t define me – if anything, it makes me stronger.

As I started to believe that I was worth it and started to try to make a difference, my self-confidence finally returned.

I finally felt like I actually was myself again – not this sad, emotionless person opioid addiction turned me into, but the person I’d always been. But this time, instead of wishing I could back to my carefree days, I recognized the strength this time period gave to my life.

It made me a better version of myself, but while this was my situation, many people are in the same boat I was.

After 2.5 years of opioid addiction, it took another 8 years before I felt like I had fully recovered. How many people suffer for longer than this?

You can’t just stop taking opioids and have everything be alright again.

Many people try, and many people end up going back to opioids or worse, heroin, to continue getting through life.

I don’t know how it is for people who use medicine to get off the drugs. I tapered down naturally, with nothing but help from a parent to get me through the 4 months from hell.

If it wasn’t for them, I don’t know if I could have done it.

People recovering from opioid addiction need our support. They need our help because while going back to the medicine would take the current pain away, it could lead them down a road they may never come back from.

And no one deserves that.