And what I wished I would’ve figured out years earlier.
See the girl in that image above? That was me.
For years after recovering from opioid addiction, I struggled. Even though I was clean, I felt worthless. Hopeless.
Like I’d lost my chance at life.
I went through the motions each day, and for a long time, that’s how I thought it would always be. A life of missed opportunities; a lifetime of paying for poor decisions I made during the time opioids ran things.
Sure, I may have been prescribed the medicine, but that didn’t matter. Opioids took more than a few years from me: they took my optimism, self-confidence, self-worth, and motivation.
And they took all that for the next 8 years after getting off of them.
Fast forward to today. I was scrolling through social media, when a magazine I follow had a headline that caught my eye — “My Battle with Opioid Dependency Post Surgery.”
No way! I thought. I became addicted to opioids post surgery too! I have got to read this.
So I read about another’s experience.
Clicking on the article, I read about a woman who went through a horrific ordeal when she entered a home smelling strongly of gas. The home exploded, and were it not for the brave actions of neighbors, she would’ve died underneath all the rubble.
Following this tragedy, she had many serious injuries and went through many surgeries. Over the course of many surgeries and much pain, this woman was given opioids to help.
As the pain increased, so did the amount of medicine and the time in between doses.
After a severe infection in her foot that required a second surgery, the woman was discharged and went home.
However, following the surgery she began to experience new symptoms, horrible ones where she felt like dying would be preferable to continuing to suffer.
She met with a pain management specialist, who took one look at her and knew exactly what was going on.
The woman was actively detoxing.
Due to miscommunication between several doctors, she went from taking regular high doses of opioids to nothing.
The specialist got her set up with some pain meds to help with the extreme discomfort her body was going through, and set up a schedule to help her wean off the meds.
She followed it for a few days, but was so traumatized by this experience that she quit cold turkey. She suffered greatly for the next few weeks before going back to normal.
My reaction to her story.
After I read this story, I’m ashamed to say that my initial reaction was, “That’s it? Yes this was a traumatic experience, but this woman was dependent on prescription pain meds for a matter of weeks?”
Somehow to me, this didn’t seem as credible. She suffered for a short time with opioid dependency while I suffered for years! I was expecting to read a story about someone I could relate to!
Shortly after thinking this, I realized something. This woman went through something traumatic; something that made a huge impact on her life. Her amount of suffering, no matter how short, was extreme and its effects were lasting.
Instead of keeping it to herself, she shared her experience in the hopes it could help someone else. Maybe just to warn another about the damaging effects opioids can have, whether they’re prescribed or not, or maybe to let those currently taking them know there is hope — if she could stop, so can they.
In a society where appearing perfect is the norm, this woman spoke up.
She let others know that there is no shame in going through something horrible. Sometimes it will be out of your control due to pain and the mismanagement of healthcare professionals, and sometimes it will be because of our own poor choices.
But the thing is, if you were an addict — own it.
People need to know that struggling, not perfection, is the norm. You may feel like you need to hide your past in order to be accepted, but it may surprise you how many people will appreciate you sharing your experience, instead of condemning you for being a former addict.
A few years ago, I made a social media post around Thanksgiving about my gratitude for the years I spent addicted to opioids. Not gratitude for being addicted, and of course I would never, ever repeat it or go back to those drugs, but that time in my life changed me in ways I desperately needed.
So I shared my gratitude for all the positive changes that came about in my life as a result of becoming addicted to opioids.
To my surprise, I received an outpouring of positive responses and even a handful of messages from friends and acquaintances, who expressed gratitude for me being open about sharing my past.
One person I knew told me how they’d struggled with alcohol addiction for years and that my post helped them feel a little less alone.
Another expressed her gratitude for my willingness to share my struggles, as her son has been fighting drug addiction for many years, and let me know that my words helped her see him in a new light.
Yes, there are some who will scoff and turn away from you. There are some who will change the subject and dismiss what you have to say.
But are those people really who you want to associate with?
The two years and some months I spent addicted, and the eight years that followed where I struggled to find my place again were humbling. They taught me how much more there is to life.
So why wouldn’t I share that?
If you were an addict, whether it was for a short time or a long time — own it. Don’t be ashamed of your past. Realize that your experiences have great power to help someone else — and you just might make an incredible difference in their life.
Your experience might just be the thing someone else needs to hear.
